Vacant Connection
by Miraculous5
Summary: ~*~Only Ashitaka and San knew the change was coming, they could feel it in the grass, in the trees, in themselves.... PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! Thanks! ~*~
1. Ashitaka

  
Chapter I: Ashitaka  
  
Ashitaka had heard the wolves before. He had heard them every night as he   
had lain within the cold, hard walls of Irontown, waiting without sleep for the   
night to end. He hadn't slept since he had come out of the forest, if a forest it even   
was anymore, since it had been filled with cruel stumps and fearsome creatures.   
Of course even before the spirit had gone there had been stumps and creatures, but   
these were different. Even the townspeople could see the change as the land   
outside their outpost became more jagged, more harsh, more wild. But to   
Ashitaka, who lived with the land instead of off of it, the change could be felt   
within him. He didn't only see the shadows lengthen and the beauty of the forest   
fade, but he knew it, he felt it. He saw in his mind how changes were slowly   
creeping over the forest. He cried out with pain as each fragile fern wilted and   
was often seen to throw an arm over his face as if in fear of some unseen monster.   
For these reasons he wouldn't sleep, couldn't sleep, knew he shouldn't sleep. And   
for these reasons he waited.   
The night had come, he knew by the howling of the wolves that echoed   
throughout the hills. He heard San's voice among them, straining to hide her   
human chords but unable to mask herself completely. Hearing them thus and   
feeling what they had to say Ashitaka knew that his long sleepless wait had ended.   
Suddenly, all at once, the pain of suffering rushed in and hit him so badly that he   
reeled. Once, twice, three times and then… nothing. Ashitaka had fallen asleep   
and his wait had ended.   
Ashitaka, no longer prince of his people, had been waiting for sleep for   
exactly 4 days 2 hours and 35 minutes before he finally collapsed, relived of the   
pain of the wild. He had come to Irontown after leaving San… alone. After the   
great spirit had fallen, after the last of the great animals had died, after… he   
couldn't think about "after" anymore, it just added to what was already weighing   
on his mind, pulling down his whole body and probably his whole life with it. As   
soon as he had come to Irontown 4 days, 2 hours, and 35 minutes ago, he had felt   
the wall. The spirit was leaving him just as it was leaving the forest and the wall   
seemed to cut off his mind from the outside world he had always known. The   
thoughts of the grass and trees were no longer known to him as they had been for   
his entire life, and at first he blamed it solely on the wall. But soon he realized that   
although the wall physically cut him off, it was the absence of the spirit, the giver   
of all life, that was shutting out his thoughts. The Great Spirit had been something   
every living thing had in common, they all felt him, all had been created by him   
and now… now he was gone. The greed and lust which had killed the spirit had   
killed with it the connection between humans and animals, the plants and the sky,   
the stars and the water. The world was changing and Ashitaka knew he had to wait   
until the end of the change lest he miss anything.   
*  
The wolves and San had let out their last mournful cry, Ashitaka had fallen   
asleep, the spirit lay dead over the forest and the whole world held its breath as it   
slept. The earth and spirits had changed while their eyes had lain closed and when   
they awoke, the people and animals found everything different. The gradual   
change of four days had gone almost unnoticed until it was complete. Ashitaka   
had noticed of course, and so had San, and it had been causing them both great   
pain. Morro would have noticed and the Boar God would have noticed, but they   
were both dead and now the world had changed and there was no one to lead it   
except two young adults who at this point felt very alone.   
The first thing Ashitaka noticed when he woke in the morning was an   
emptiness. Something not only within him was missing, but around him, the very   
air he breathed felt like it was lacking something. Then he heard the rooster crow   
as dawn broke and he knew what the emptiness had been. The rooster had crowed.   
Not called, not spoken, not understood by Ahitaka as it had been before. Ashitaka   
jumped up, his eyes wide and his muscles tense. He knew something was   
changing but not… not… he wasn't prepared for this. Never could he have   
guessed what the Great Spirit had done for them all: enabling all living things to   
understand and speak to each other. They were all kin, the Great Spirit had created   
them all equally, but the connection was gone and they were now all wild beasts.   
Even the humans seemed wild to Ashitaka, moving without thinking and doing   
without knowing as they always had. Since the world had been created, humans   
had known and spoken with animals, taken it for granted, he saw now, although he   
couldn't imagine life any way else. Right now… right now he couldn't think, his   
hands tensed and untensed as Ashitaka paced the floor of hut, wall to wall, wall to   
wall. Think, think, step, step, he paced like a caged animal. But right now he   
couldn't think. Too many thoughts were crying for attention at once. He wondered   
if this horrible change would last, what had happened, what he could speak to, but   
most of all, why? Why? Why? WHY?. They all so desperately needed to be   
addressed that he felt overwhelmed and started pounding the wall, trying to let   
them out into the air. With that release came another and he ran from the hut, out   
into the day, furiously running as fast as he could towards nowhere, but reaching   
the massive front gate of Irontown all the same. A single image skillfully glided   
above all he others and as he reached the giant gate of Irontown and beat it with   
his fists, the though of Princess Mononoke pricked him. "San!" He screamed,   
since he could only scream, not think anymore. San would know what to do. She   
would know… she would know, if only he could see her, get to her, oh San! He   
forgot in the midst of his troubles that he had promised himself not to go back to   
the forest, not to see San again. He loved her, yes, he loved her, but they were   
different. It would be better not to let himself love than to allow himself to be with   
her. But now he had to see her.  
Ashitaka flung himself against the gate in a blind confusion until finally it   
cracked and he ran into the morning. "San!" he called, "San!" He sprinted towards   
the ruined forest and spotted her loping with lupine fluidity towards him. She was   
beautiful as the lines between human and animal melded in the rising sun for a   
moment, half-wolf, half-girl and then they were so close that all Ashitaka could   
see for sure was the glint in her eyes and the worried expression that mirrored his   
own. They came within a step of each other and stopped close. They breathed   
heavily with weariness and pain and relief for a long and seemingly never ending   
moment until Ashitakaexhaled a quiet, "San." San let out a fierce bark in return   
and the world snapped back into focus for the both of them. Ashitaka's shoulder's   
bent and his world stopped for a mere moment with disbelief and unwanted   
knowledge. "San…" He cried and this time she let out a low howl. They stared at   
each other for one final time and he sank to his knees. San turned and ran as if   
spooked back to the forest and a tear came softly into Ashitaka's eye.   
San had become a wolf.  



	2. San

Chapter II: San  
  
Unlike Ashitaka, San had slept, but she had always kept one eye open as she was taught to do as a cub. Ashitaka had left her four nights ago, but she didn't feel anything for it. At least that's what she told and promised herself while she prowled the forest, eyeing the strange new animals which seemed to come into the forest in never-ending herds and flocks. The swamps and grottos San had always known were changing, every animal on the hunt and every blade of grass in the wind could feel it. So San assumed that these new feelings she had after she and Ashitaka had parted were all her small part in the change. She knew she had come close to being human, to leaving her home and returning to the land of her birth, but she didn't know how close. The loss and regret she felt were just the very tip of what Ashitaka had made her feel:… almost human. But nowAshitaka was gone just as Morro was gone, nothing could bring them back and San knew she might as well not think about it. Already San's wild knowledge had overcome her nearly human mind and she liked it better that way, with nothing more to think about than food and shelter. Ashitaka had turned everything in the forest upside down and San was finally returning to her old self, even if the rest of the world was still changing.  
San blinked, the sun was rising and it hurt her sharpened eyes as she stood in the mouth of her cave and looked out over the forest. The sunrise made her think of Ashitaka, so she looked instead at the darkened trees. They rustled with the new and fearsome creatures which had come to live there, but the trees also made her think of Ashitaka. She turned to the river. Ashitaka. The mountains. Ashitaka. The barren walls of Irontown. Ashitaka was there… maybe she could go see him and… "Arg!" she growled, disgusted with herself for thinking these very unwolf-like thoughts. San turned sharply and crawled back into the empty cave, her brothers were out and Morro was gone. She shook her head furiously to get the thought of Ashitaka out of it, but he still clung there and she was annoyed with herself. "These are human thoughts!" she mused angrily, "I am a wolf! Not a human, a wolf! Wolves do not care about humans, or death, or what has passed. They care about each other and they care about now!" San emphasized this last part with a coarse bark and curled up in a miserable ball on the floor of her dark and lonesome cave.  
Before the sun had even risen over the hills, however, San heard the sounds of her brothers' returning. "I am a wolf…" she repeated to herself before rising from her furs and facing them. Their faces were as long and pained with sorrow and mourning as those of any human, but their keen eyes glinted of the future and their breath spoke nothing of the past. "Sister," said Hatik, her brother with a gray back and the pointed ears, "We have news for you." His voice was ominous and San tensed: suspenseful, but ready. "There are changes in the forest, many more animals have come and we wolves are now sparse," continued Rajarok, San's brown-backed brother. San knew about the changes already, the lengthening of shadows in dark places, the failing of many young plants not ready to die, and she told them this without a word, as her eyes spoke for her. "San, you are our sister. Morro was your mother as she is ours. But…" "What?" yelped San impatiently, "What now?" Hatik glanced sadly at Rajarok before continuing, "You have to choose, San: Do you wish to be a wolf or do you wish to be a human? For long you have dawdled on the line in between, but now… now there is a choice." Without even thinking, the girl-wolf said, "A wolf! I am a wolf, not a human!" Hatik nodded and said, "Don't say that now, you must choose before the sun rises over the hills. Now go! Go wander in our land and choose wisely… sister." Both brothers lowered their heads to the ground as if to guide her out of the cave and she went.  
The air tasted different and the rocks of the mountain felt odd beneath her feet, but San skillfully scaled the mountainside down into the forest valley as she had many times before. The grass was stiffer when she reached the ground and the trees no longer seemed to whisper above her as she walked. San was scared, unfamiliar in a place she had lived all her life. "Wolves are not scared," she said aloud, and the words fell dead on the silent air. "But humans are…" a small voice seemed to answer back. San stopped in a small glade, too terrified and too stricken to move, never before having heard the cruel sound of silence.She sobbed a breath, it clung raggedly to her throat and came out in small unconnected gasps. The only sound in the whole valley was that of San's sobs; the trees, the air, the water all held their breath and waited for the sun to reach the top of the mountains. The silence felt like it was suffocating her, closing in, shutting San off until finally she could take it no longer. "Aaaaaaaaaa!" she bellowed and ran yelling away into the unknown forest.  
San tumbled over roots and rocks that hadn't been there before this morning and soon ran exhausted into a stream she didn't hear until she fell into it.  
With this final humiliation, her sobbing increased until the waterfalls of the stream couldn't be heard over her crying. This woke all the creatures nearby which heard her and after not long, San heard a small voice in her ear. "Wolf-girl, not all changes are bad." She looked up to find a small yellow bird on a branch above her. "Hello, bird," she replied sullenly, "I know that but…" she sized the bird up and, trusting her, said "...but I'm not sure what to do." "Well you're getting your fur wet sitting in the stream, you had better decide quickly. The sun will rise soon and the change will be complete, you know that." San was a little taken aback and looked again at the bird. She had always thought small birds were stupid and mindless. A moment passed as San thought and then said, "You called me wolf-girl, little bird, but which am I? Wolf or girl?" San felt a little vulnerable, trusting her thoughts to the bird like this and was annoyed when the bird just laughed, "Hahaha… is that all?" The bird stopped and looked at her for a second, then resumed in a different tone, "What you are doesn't have to do with fur or claws or parentage, Princess Mononoke. You already know what it has to do with. You already know the answer to your question." She laughed again and San cocked her head and glanced at the bird before looking down. She loved Ashitaka, that was all she knew. But as she looked around her, San found that she also loved the grass, and the clouds, and the feel of cold water on her toes, and the scent of a rabbit on the wind. Yes, she loved Ashitaka and she loved the humans. But she loved being a wolf more than anything she could ever feel or touch. She loved who she was, who she had been, who she would be. Who she needed to be."I am a wolf," San said, looking at her human hands, and the sun rose.   
To Be Continued…  



	3. Ashitaka Alone

Ashitaka Alone  
  
Ashitaka didn't want to know what he had just seen. But he did. San had become a wolf... an animal and he was a human. His legs slowly crumpled as the world seemed to fall away from him and all he could do was just watch as San's back disappeared into the forest, slipping away just as scared as he was.   
  
For a long time Ashitaka just sat there on his knees, the morning sounds of the rebuilding of Irontown behind him and the ominous silence of the decaying forest in front of him. His eyes were blank with pain and he wasn't looking at anything, although his eyes were open. When he did stare, it was at the forest. He wanted so badly to go in there, to find San and take the wolf in his arms and tell her all the things he would have said if anyone would listen. But he knew he shouldn't, he couldn't. He was alone now, no one to trust but his elk who he knew so deeply that they didn't need words. After the morning clouds had floated by and the sun was beginning to rise above his head, Ashitaka slowly stood on his feet and shook the weariness out of his limbs. He had lived a life of lonely homelessness before he had come to Irontown and met San and he would be forced to do it again. He tied his large hood underneath his neck and unfurled his long cape with flowed gracefully in the wind. Ashitaka didn't know where he would go, he didn't care, just as long as it was away from here. He was officially dead in the village which was his home, he had cut his hair and given up his princehood. The forest was decaying and the citizens of Irontown were more animals than humans, filled with a strange lust and greed and rowdiness which Ashitaka would never trust. San was on her own now, too, he presumed, she had the wild land to take care of and her brothers to help her. Ashitaka felt that he had nothing to take care of - everything he had helped or nurtured had already died or passed on or served its purpose. This was a new age and Ashitaka felt he should have left with the last one.   
  
He turned back towards the ruined forest, gazing one last time at the land he would leave and maybe never come back to. He remembered every fern, every flower, of that forest like it was his own. But it had changed now, there were weird scents and sounds exuding from its depths. Everything had changed, even "San..." Ashitaka breathed her name one last time and narrowed his eyes with the pain of his breaking heart. With that final thought he turned his back on the forest, turning towards Irontown and, beyond that, the open road. An open life.  
  
Author's Note   
***********************************************  
Hey, how are you liking the story so far? I hope it hasn't terribly confused you yet and that you've found the chapters so far pretty cool, or at least a little entertaining. This is my first fanfic ever, so if you don't like it, I might get better. Then again, I might not. No, I'm not done with this one yet, there'll still be much more of this story before it's through. However, PLEASE REVIEW ME! Even flames are cool, because I always have room to improve. If you're timid about reviews or have something else to tell me (anything at all) email me at Sparky5906@aol.com. Thanks!  



	4. Faleen

  
Faleen  
  
San had run, no, scampered, back to the forest. Its ominous boughs seemed safer to her than out there in the open with… what had happened? Ashitaka had been saying something to her, but the words seemed all wrong. They sounded like some sort of gibberish she had known long ago, but had forgotten along with the faces of her human parents. Was this because of the changes in the forest? She looked around when she had passed into the shadows of the trees. The strange new flowers, the foreign creatures… everything had changed, including herself.   
Her heart was still racing; Ashitaka had been the last person she felt she trusted and he had scared her. "Wolves aren't scared," she reprimanded herself before realizing that she was a wolf now. Her skin was still human and she didn't have paws or anything, but something had changed. Her mentality had shifted. She knew that and had known that and now there was no going back. San was panting now with surprise and overwhelming confusion. She backed up against a tree and tried to get a grip on herself. The finality of her decision had struck her, already her choice was having repercussions, and she was almost sorry for what she was. San's head was overflowing with swirling thoughts- all of her confusion twisting inside her mind and leaving no room for any sense or logic. She suddenly sprang up and howled so fiercely that the tree above her quaked in its branches and shook with fear. Having drowned out her thoughts for a mere second, San took advantage of her freedom and leaped away, trying to leave her thoughts behind - back with Ashitaka kneeling in the grass.   
San ran and ran through the forest, slipping past the sight of beast and blurring into shadow to hide from the outside world that haunted her. Over bush, loom, and flower, through one river, two rivers, three, four, she lost count and didn't care. The wolf smelled the blood of lame rabbit but sped past, stopping for nothing, always running, always fleeing. San's mind raced with her, between two trees, over a stump, leaping and clearing a rock, through the tree, past the flowers and SMACK! 130 pounds of wolf rammed straight into a large and fearsome Rowan which San had passed a hundred times before, but not today. Her mind raced no more and San's body fell limp to the ground.  
*  
When San woke up she was staring into a pair of eyes. At least that's what she thought they were although they were bigger than most and an odd shade of golden green. The color reminded her of leaves in the morning sun and the eyes were deep and reflective and kind. Never the less, San growled and sprang up. Her head hurt worse than anything, but the wolf didn't let it get to her.   
"Who are you?!" she snarled, "What am I doing here? What happened? What's going on?!" her confusion, surprise, and naivete were apparent, but the eyes pulled back and shone with silent laughter. The eyes belonged to a large beast that looked like… well, San didn't know what he looked like, she had never seen one before. He smelled strangely and San guessed that he was one of the new animals which had crept into the forest over the last few days.   
"I'm Faleen, what are you?" His voice was as thick and strong as the rest of him. In fact, it was the rest of him that bewildered San. He stood upright and wore clothes like a human. They weren't clothes from around here, thought San, but still human-like. But he had the body of what looked like a fox or a wolf, with large muscular forearms, a snout, and an entire body covered in thick ruddy-looking fur. A mane, or maybe hair if he was human thought San, covered the back of his head and his neck and instead of paws Faleen had vicious looking claws. A humongous white tail flowed around the back of him, but the thing that surprised San the most were his eyes. She had never seen anything like them, or him before, and it caught her off guard.   
"I'm… I'm San," she struggled, not sure if he had asked what species she was or just what her name was. "No," he said, "You're not San, you're very inconsiderate that's what you are. I basically saved your life out there and you don't even say thank you." Faleen put on a mock disappointment face but it looked so ridiculous that San laughed, immediately feeling badly and saying, "Thanks… you really saved my life? You must be pretty…uh.." she tried to think of something nice to say but wasn't very good at giving compliments, "… gentlemanly." She sounded so lame that they both laughed. "Where are you from? You must have come here during the…the changes. I've never seen anything like you before," San said and Faleen looked away and then he stood up and walked a little away. San noticed that they weren't in a cave like most of the animals lived in but a clearing in the forest. The branches of the trees bent over so low that the place seemed enclosed and private. "Neither have I… we felt the changes even where I was, you know. Up North. In the snow and ice and everything's changed," he turned and looked at her again as if trying to decide to tell her something, "I'm part bear, part fox, part human. Don't ask how it happened, I don't know." San tried to picture the mating between a bear, a fox, and a human, but we won't get into that. "But just call me Faleen. That's what I am. Just Faleen," he looked grim and looked out at the surrounding forest, "The ice began to melt five days ago and I had to come south. So did everyone else I guess. I figured there would be more humans down here I can sell to. I'm a merchant, but so far you're the first human I've met and you don't look like you'll be buying anything." San had listened in astonishment. Here was someone like her! Everything was changing, and although she knew that, San hadn't been able to see beyond the personal effects. She recoiled in shock at the last sentence, though.   
"I'm not a human! I'm a wolf!" but even as she said it, San began to wonder again and she hated it. Feeling unsure. Faleen snapped around, "A wolf?" he sniffed the air, "You smell like a wolf, I guess." He cocked his head and looked at her from a different angle, "And you walked like a wolf. But you look like a human, to me. You talk like a human, think like a human, you know." San shook her head slowly, "No…" She sat for a while on the soft ground, with her knees pulled up to her chest and staring at nothing in particular. Faleen began talking again and his voice was calm and entrancing. It reminded San of the quiet that came on hot summer days and the sound of dry rivers and moving clouds. He talked about the ice and he told her how the snow looked when it fell in the mountains and how it felt to sit on a glacier and find nothing but white as far as you could see. He whispered sometimes about how he wished he knew what he was and San hung on every word. He told her about his parents and San was feeling risky. She felt like she had left something behind, become more fearless, more dangerous, more trusting maybe. So she replied, softly at first then getting more confident as if she was sure he wasn't going to betray her, with all she could remember about Morro. They confided to each other with the sounds of winter and summer and the smells of spring and the feeling of leaves fall. Finally the afternoon was gone and the clearing shone red with the setting of the sun. San raised her eyes from the ground and Faleen was there, sitting next to her and they leaned in close and kissed. Granted it was a very weird kiss seeing as he had a snout and she didn't, but they figured it out soon enough. The clearing flared golden red for a moment and then it was gone, devoured by the gray-purple shrouds of night. San pulled back, her eyes closed. "Ashitaka…" she breathed and her eyes opened. But it wasn't Ashitaka, it was Faleen and he looked rather confused.   
"What?" he asked. San shook her head and ran her hands over her eyes. "Thank you for… for everything. But I have to go, I have to do something." She picked herself up and melted into the shadows without looking back. 


End file.
